Everybody I know usually calls their dog Rover or Spot. I called mine Sex. Now Sex has been very embarrassing to me.
When I went to City Hall to renew the dog's license, I told the clerk
I'd like a license for Sex. He said, "I would like to have one too!"
Then I said, "She is a dog!!"
He said he didnt care what she looked like. I said, "You don't understand, I had Sex since I was 9 years old."
He replied, "You must have been quite a strong boy."
When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I would like to
have Sex at the weddimg. He told me to wait until after the wedding was
over. I said, "But Sex has played a big part in my life, and my life
revolves around Sex."
He said he didn't want to hear about my personal life and would not
marry us in his church. I told him everybody would like having Sex at
the wedding. The next day we were married at the Justice of Peace. My
family was barred from the church from then on.
When my wife and I went on our honeymoon, I took the dog with me. When
we checked into the motel, I told the clerk that I wanted a room for me
and my wife and a special room for Sex. He said every room in the motel
is a place for sex. I said, "You don't understand! Sex keeps me awake
The clerk said, "me too!"
One day I entered Sex in a contest, but before the competition began,
Sex ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just looking
around, and I told him that I was going to have Sex in the contest. He
said that I should have sold my own tickets.
"You don't understand," I said. "I hoped to have Sex on TV!"
He called me a 'show off'!
When my wife and I split, we went to court to fight for custody of the
dog. I said, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married, but Sex left
me after I was married."
The judge said, "Me too!!"
Last night, Sex ran off again, and I spent hours looking all over for
her. A cop came over and asked me what I was doing in the alley at 4
o'clock in the morning. I said "I'm looking for Sex."
My case comes up next Thursday.
Well, now I have been thrown in jail, been divorced, and had more damn
troubles with that dog than I ever foresaw. Why, just the other day
when I went for my first session with my shrink, she asked me, "What seems to be the trouble?"
I replied, "Sex has been my best friend all of my life, but now it has left me forever, I couldn't live any longer, so lonely!"
And the doctor said, "Look mister, you should understand sex isn't a man's best friend, so get your self a dog."